i have said the word too many times
for it to hold any meaning anymore
but i'll say this,
you i'll always keep
within and without.

just

just...
all the stuff i feel
and all the patterny, bubbly, weighty-nesses
and all the loud and subtle smells and sounds
and all the other things in between and on the corners,
the edges of my mind and my senses
all of it, all at once, and in spirals
render me awry
when i need to provide
proper definitions.

the thought of you,
has broken into tiny pieces
inside me.

they suddenly clump together
randomly, at inconvenient times
and scrape against everything...
it's upsetting.